My Aspiring Poet of A Cousin;

"The only people who can fully embrace life are the ones who can accept death."

-Jackson Wojciechowski

"someone asked me how many times i've cried
so i said "too many, but i now understand what being sad is.

i have learned one emotion so now can embrace other emotions"

-Jackson W.

Take The Beauty Challenge.

Fear of being overweight is the 1 reason for girls to consider suicide.

What you see in magazines,
it's not real.
It's, airbrushing and angles,
professional hair and makeup,
expensive clothes and stylists.

The models everyone ideals?
They don't even look like that all the time.

Don't compare yourselves to them.
Honestly, if you wish you looked like that?
You might as well wish you were a unicorn.
'Cuz it's not gonna happen.

REAL people do not look like that.
Real BEAUTIFUL people do not look like that.

Every one has faults,
even the most beautiful women in the world.

You gotta learn to love your faults,
and your body.

You are the prettiest you out there.
And you always will be.

There's no use comparing yourself to a computer generated image.

Okay, so to the main point.
I'm challenging everyone who reads this
to redefine their definition of beauty.

Let's make it something believable,
achievable,
and, well,
beautiful.

Never Grow Up

"The most mature people I know,

are the ones who decided to never grow up."

-rara

Happiness Hides

This is My Happiness:

He likes to hide.

And then I have to get my butt up and go look for him.

It's kinda annoying.

o_0

Best Friend

when the boys tried to lay me down
and break my heart
you broke their face
and when my world was going wrong
falling apart
you were my grace
You're My Best Friend

-Rara

Anxiety

Anxiety: an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry. It is often accompanied by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, or tension headache.

-Wikipedia

Approximately 15 million American adults have

Generalized Anxiety Disorder in a current year.

-National Institute of Mental Health

Depression and anxiety

go hand in hand.

They both suck.

Equally.

But they're both fixable.

Trust me,

it's not

the end of the

world.

About Me

This is the truth,

the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth.

My whole name is

Rachel Jane Morrison Steinmetz Factor.

Morrison is my official last name.

Steinmetz is my dad's last name.

Factor is my mom's.

I live with my mom and my stepdad.

My dad lives in California.

I have a problem with that.

I'm a buddhist.

No I don't worship buddha.

Yes, I do meditate.

This year has been hard on me.

I've never gone through so much in my entire life.

And it's all happened.

In one year.

I have a chemical imbalance in my brain.

I think differently.

Actually, it's pretty common.

Some people even go their whole lives

never knowing.

I have a knack for codepedency.

Anxiety.

Anxiety attacks.

And episodes of manic depression.

I have a major fetish with not breaking promises.

And not making people feel bad

I would do anything for the people I care about.

And I'm not just saying that.

Sometimes,

I'm so protective of the people I love

I end up hurting them,

instead of helping.

I have big, undefined dreams.

I don't know what they are yet.

But they're big.

Honestly?

I'm a mess.

But I'm the most put-together mess

you will ever meet.

Codependency

"Life's not worth Living,
unless you're giving."

I have always lived my life
to make other people happy.
And there's a term for that,
it's called codependency.
The one thing that can tear me
apart, is to see the people I
love hurt.
What I never knew,
being codependent on somebody?

It actually hurts them more than
it helps.
I couldn't control my own life,
so in some wierd, perverse way,
I was trying to control theirs.
If they were happy, then so was I.
So now, I'm not codependent anymore.
I have to make decisions for myself.
I have to go after what I want.
And this?

This is the scariest thing I have ever done,
ever,
in my entire life.

What Love Means

When I say I love you

I'm not expressing a feeling.

I'm making a promise.

I am telling you that for as long

as we both shall live

I will always be there for you.

I will always care about you.

I will always be a shoulder to cry on.

I will always try to understand you.

I will never judge you.

And that no matter how much you change

I will always love you for the person

I know you are.

Because even if your personality changes,

your heart never will.

Sex

Learn more about PETA's ABC campaign at PETA.org.

At the End of the Tunnel

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Even if you can't always see it.

When you seem like you're going through

the hardest times in your life.

You have to remember that it will eventually

get better. It will probably get worse again.

But it will always get better.

And if you go through a time when you

can't see the light, just ask somebody

to hold up a flashlight. :)

So, I've Decided

That Valentine's Day just needs to die.

It's just another stupid holiday that people invented

for an excuse to make up stupid superstitions and

get people to believe them.

For example, did you know that it used to be the first man

you saw on valentines day would be the one you married?

(outside of your family)

So, if you saw the village idiot,

well then, you are S.O.L.

Or the other one,

if you wake up and see a black bird you will

marry a rich man.

If you see a bluebird you will marry a poorman.

Well, I woke up this morning to a fourteen year

old overweight dauchsand.

What does this mean?!?!

Will I marry an overweight German who is close to death

and likes to chase squirrels?

seriously.

Yah, and they don't even know for sure who Saint Valentine even was!

You guys are celebrating somebody you know nothing about!

If Valentine's Day ever truly had a non-bullshit reason for existing,

it was most definitely lost in translation a lonnng time ago.

And even if you aren't single, you still have to go through all the

stress and shit of getting somebody a gift,

and,

lets face it,

no matter how much you love them,

it is still pretty much fucking impossible to pick something

out that somebody of the opposite sex is going to like

unless they tell you.

So this, my friends, is why Valentine's Day is a load of crap,

and should go crawl in a hole and die.

:)

Holidays

Yay for Holidays!

My Eyes

They get me into so much trouble...

They tell me to eat more than my stomach can hold.

They tell me he's cute...

But not wether or not he will hurt me.

They tell me to undertake things

I could never finish...

Because it looks like less than it is.

Yeah, my eyes like to lie to me...

Maybe I should stop listening to them.

Holding On

We hold on to so much.

We hold on to our memories,

our friends,

and our enemies.

We hold on to our valubles,

pictures,

and recycleables.

We hold on to grudges,

and fears,

and concerns.

We don't learn our lessons,

we just roll with it,

we don't learn.

Look back on your life,

the chance you could take,

if you can only let go,

of your past mistakes.

Mad

i dont get mad.

because i know how stupid mad is.

mad blinds you.

mad covers up what you are really thinking.

mad makes you feel strong.

mad makes you make decisions that you wouldn't otherwise make.

mad hates.

mad lies.

mad cannot remember not being mad.

mad does not care.

mad does not think.

mad just does.

mad doesn't plan ahead and

mad doesn't put itself in other's shoes.

mad is alone.

mad is not happy.

mad is to do things that you will regret.

mad is to do things that compromise who you really are.

mad is to not be yourself.

mad is to not be really strong,

mad is when you let something stupid, like

mad, control you.

i don't get mad.

because i know how stupid mad is.

and because that's just not who i am.

-rara

Sometimes...

"Sometimes...my heart hurts so bad

i almost throw up. Is that normal?"

I love hot cocoa and being with friends.

Sometimes I love rasberry tea and being alone.

Sometimes I love having to wake up at five in the

morning to go to school.

And sometimes I hate it.

Sometimes I'll make up my mind to do something

and then sometimes I'll change it.

Sometimes I'll dance around my room with my ipod,

and sometimes I'll just hide under the covers.

Ahh, but all the times?

Yep yep, I'm just being me.